To be, or not to be... myself

As I undertake life, geared up with my inadequacies, I search my soul in order to find myself.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Alone at my wedding...

A few nights I had a dream... It was one of the weirdest dreams I've had in a long time. I think it was the lack of sleep or something. I think I've been a little to stressed out about school, work, and all that jazz. Oh, and I think it might the fact that for the first time since September 1999, I've been single for over five months... I know it sounds stupid, but it's a big deal to me. I still haven't figured out how to live my life that way I guess. Or maybe it is the euphoria of this newfound freedom.

So a few nights ago, I had a dream that I was getting married. That's not the weird part. Hold on. The weird part was that the guy I intended to marry had no clue that we were getting married. How can I explain this?... I had sent invitations all over the place, my mom and I were preparing the whole thing, my dad was spending all this money on the dress, reception hall, and you name it, but I had purposely decided to leave the guy (I have no clue who he was) in the dark. In fact, I think the guy and I had never talked about getting married at all...

Bottom line is that on my wedding day, I got stood up at the altar, but I wasn't surprised about it. My parents were blue in the face and they wanted to kill the boy. My friends and all the guests we feeling sorry for me. I was all dressed up in my beautiful white dress, kind of looking stupid saying: "Well, I guess he just changed his mind."

That was weird...

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Starving Bohemians

It's been a minute since I've written anything. But believe me, it's not because my life has been uneventful. I just figure that most of you are tired of reading my stuff... Well, no, because really, you don't have to read. But it's been a while because I've been putting order into my life... No, not really. I really wish I had a descent excuse, but I don't. There!

Well there are two things I would like to talk to you about today. I'll try my best to keep it short, but I will not promise, because you know me... it's never short.

I would like talk to you about my roommate. Her name is Jean and she is the best roommate I could have had here. She is from Kenya, but for some reason, she has some kind of Jamaican accent. She did her undergrad in computer science, but she is now doing her MA in Diplomacy, just like me. Go figure. She is sweat, social, and funny. You know, the complete opposite of what I am. For reals, I have rarely seen this much life in one person. She loves to sing, to dance, to write, to laugh, to read, to talk, to drink red wine, and to draw. And she does ALL of those things when she is not studying or teaching one of three math classes she is in charge of. Oh... and she hates being alone, so sometimes, while I'm at the library, she texts me to tell me that she has made dinner and that she wants me to come home, because she is bored!!!

I always think that's funny. But at the same time, she is not high maintenance. You know I have issues with needy people. Since her schedule is a lot busier than mine, I get my time off. And sometimes, when she realizes that I'm no longer listening to her (it happens sometimes when she comes home all excited and I'm trying to get some homework done, but she keeps talking for over half an hour), she simply leaves the room laughing and says she'll come back later.

I love that girl! But one of the greatest things about having her as a roommate his her writing. She is one of the most talented people I've ever met. She writes so beautifully, that sometimes it gives me chills. When she reads me some of her shorts stories, I can feel, smell, and see everything that she is describing. Once in a while, before I go to bed, she offers to read me one of her stories: I feel like a little girl once again. I remember all the times my dad used to invent all those crazy stories. Sometimes they were so scary that I would beg him to stop. But the important part was that I spending time with him. Ah... Growing up! What a tragedy!

Oh, and I must not forget that I've rarely seen someone laughing so much at the stupid things I do or say on a daily basis. Once, she laughed so much at something I said that she started crying... and kept on laughing, until I thought the joke wasn't funny anymore.... She kept laughing. Makes me feel better some days to know that I not only funny to myself, but to a selected group of individual to.

So that was the first thing I wanted to talk about. You can stop reading if you want... The second thing is my NYC Opera experience. On Saturday, I went to see La Boheme of Puccini at the New York City Opera with Dana and Florin, a couple from Romania. There were four acts to the play. During the first act, we see the two main characters fall in love after talking (singing) about each other and their perception of life for about 10 minutes each. Now, I have to say that the singing was outstanding... but man! Who is going to make me believe that you can fall in love after 20 minutes??? Nobody! I almost felt like getting up and yelling: "Liars!!!! Give me my money back!!!" But I soon remembered where I was, so I restrained myself. But, in order to forget about this outrage, I started looking at the people playing the instruments in the little box at the bottom, under the stage: the orchestra. I started thinking about what would happen if one of the bass players dropped that big guitar they play. I mean, really! They are so close to one another that it probably will have a domino effect... I would like to see that one day. It think it would be funny. But anyway...

Between the second and third acts, they had an intermission, and Florin and I started talking about how hungry we were: describing our favorite meals and all. I mean it was sad. The more we were talking, the more hungry I got. We agreed to find a nice steakhouse after the show... Well, you better believe how ANGRY I was when they had another intermission between the third and fourth acts!!!! Madness!!! At that point I was starving and my stomach was singing with the performers on stage. And despite the fact that I was all the way in the "nosebleed", I know that one of the bass players heard me because at one point, I almost sure that I say him looking up, outraged, and practically dropping his instrument...